


Translation Train Wreck

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Backstroke Of The West Inspired, Bad Translations, Banter, Crack, Crack Relationships, Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, Humor, Jedi Ben Solo, M/M, Minor Ulic/Exar, Poe Dameron Being a Little Shit, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Young Ben Solo, Young Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24490612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Never use a Holonet translator to decipher a Jedi text.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 7
Collections: Star Wars Crack, Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	Translation Train Wreck

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Free Space — Language/Translation
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Special thanks to the geniuses behind Backstroke Of The West for inspiring this piece of crack. I know online translators probably don’t fuck up translations as epically as Backstroke of the West, but Rule of Funny.

If there was something that Poe appreciated, it was seeing Ben, his friend-slash-secret-crush (although the chemistry between them was probably the worst kept secret in the Jedi Academy) while Ben was working in the Archives. Sometimes Ben translated, sometimes he organized, sometimes he geeked out...whatever it was, it made Poe happy to see him.  
  
Even if currently Ben was screaming Corellian obscenities and shouting colorful threats at what turned out to be a terminal.  
  
Poe raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to know why you’re threatening the terminal?”  
  
“Oh.” Ben’s face turned red. “Sorry about that. I just...” He sighed. “I kriffed up a translation.”  
  
“Well, you can just start over, right?”  
  
Ben took a deep breath. “I was up doing some translating for Uncle Luke. I used a Holonet translator — ”  
  
Poe sputtered with laughter. “Why?”  
  
“It was taking too long!” Ben said defensively. Then, “Anyway, I scanned one of the pages into the Holonet...”  
  
“Like you do,” Poe said, smiling.  
  
Ben sighed. “Poe, as welcome as your good humor is in this circumstance, I’m just wondering how you go from a story about Ulic Qel-Droma’s fall and redemption to...this.”  
  
“It can’t possibly be that bad,” Poe said.  
  
“Famous last words,” Ben deadpanned.  
  
Ben was right. Apparently the Holonet translator had changed “Ulic Qel-Droma” to “Bronze Happabore”, and apparently he and Exar Kun were secretly having sex. And Nomi Sunrider was named “P”. Poe stared at Ben, trying to find words for this. “I...buh buh buh...there are way too many terrible jokes I can make here. How does this happen?"  
  
“Because this online translator was apparently programmed by drunken _idiots!”_ Ben snapped.  
  
“Obviously,” Poe said.  
  
“Where do I begin? I mean, I’m not an expert on pre-Mandalorian Wars history, but I’m certain that Exar Kun and Ulic Qel-Droma did _not_ hook up a power-coupling...”  
  
“Well, they do call it _seduction_ to the Dark Side...” Poe said.  
  
Ben actually did laugh. “Poe,” he said, “It’s not literal, you nerfherder. It’s more playing on people’s desires for power...not like _that.”_ A sigh. “It’s more playing on people’s...wants, I guess. It depends on the individual.”  
  
Poe shrugged. “Well, when you put it that way...and some of the Sith Lords in holovids aren’t shabby-looking. Asajj Ventress...not that I swing that way, but I can see where she’d appeal to some beings.”  
  
Ben snorted. “That doesn’t prove that Ulic and Exar were...y’know.”  
  
“I’m sure that someone’s written erotic fanfiction about it,” Poe said.  
  
It was worth it, Poe thought, to see Ben’s attempt to look disapproving dissolve into hysterical laughter. “You know,” he said through wheezes of laughter, “Now that I think about it, lightsabers are a little phallic. A therapist would have a field day with it.”  
  
“You have learned well,” Poe said lightly, “My young apprentice.”  
  
It was Luke that came across them, when they were laughing. Luke sighed and walked over towards the screen. “Ben, not that I don’t appreciate you lightening up but you — what in the name of the Emperor’s ion-charger is up with this translation?!”


End file.
